Megan Caldwell Chandler

Money.  I hate it.  I love it.  I don’t need it.  I have to have it.  This is my mind a lot of the time.  I hate these feelings because they can really bring a person down.  This is my dilemma.  I know in my heart’s brain that money does not make someone a “legitimate” artist.  But my brain’s brain says that making money is the chief sign of success.  Since I’ve sold only a limited amount of my work, I place myself in the “illegitimate” artist category.  To illustrate this point, here’s a typical conversation I have when someone asks me what I do: 

Random Person: “So, Megan, what do you do?”

Me:  “Oh, well…I used to be a teacher.  You know, when I had a real worky-job.  Now I’m an artist.”

Random Person:  “Oh yeah?  What kind of artist?”

Me:  “Oh, well…you know…a visual artist.  Collage, painting, drawing.   (And now with a really fast and high voice) But I don’t make any money!”

Random Person:  “Ohhh.”

I don’t know why, but I always tell people who ask about my work that I don’t make any money.  Why?  I don’t want to tell them that, but I swear to all things holy, that line pops out of my mouth every time.  That interaction makes me sound like a fool.  As a solution, I’m making a pact with myself.  Whenever someone asks me what I do, I will tell them I’m a visual artist.  Period.   I know this plan sounds very simple, but I promise you this will be very difficult and uncomfortable for me.

Despite this anxiety and frustration, I do have moments of clarity, when I realize that life’s value has nothing to do with money.  I usually come around to these moments whenever I spend time with my brother, Travis.  He is one of the few people I know who truly understands this life we are living is the only life we have.  He lives his life being kind to people and pursuing what he pleases.   He does not allow the pressures of the world to alter his path.  He doesn’t have to constantly remind himself that money is incidental; that notion is ingrained in his person.  That’s not to say Travis lives without the need for money (how else will we go to Bonnaroo every year?).  Money is just secondary to the important experiences in his life.  He is my guidepost, and I strive daily to follow his example.  Oh boy, I can wax poetic about my little brother all day, so I’ll just wrap it up by saying I love him very much.

Whew.  This has been a difficult and tearful piece to write.   It’s not easy to expose yourself to others, but here I am exposed.  I’ll end this post about money and value with the sage words of one of Travis’ favorites, Dave Matthews.  “What I want is what I’ve not got, and what I need is all around me.”  So inspirational.   Although, Dave has also said, “I’m going to tie you up like a baby in a carriage car,” so, go figure.